My Inspiration Smells Like Cookies

Hyperemesis Gravidarum is awful.  I mean, really awful.  It’s so awful that many women experience it once and then take immediate measures to ensure they’ll never be pregnant again.  I’d like to be really clear before I go any further that I completely and totally respect this.  HG is truly horrible and there is nothing selfish, cowardly, or weak about not wanting to go through it again.

Let me also say to any mother who might be feeling guilt over this situation:  Despite what some folks may say, there is absolutely nothing wrong with having an only child.  Being an only child won’t “ruin” a kid.  There are lots of wonderful things that come along with being an only child.  Believe me.  I know.  I am one.  Trust yourselves, parents.  If stopping at one is the right choice for you, that’s okay.  And practice some really good zingers for folks who would tell you otherwise!

I’ll say it again:  HG is awful.  So why is it that there are those of us who, knowing what’s behind that door, want to have more children?  I can’t speak for anyone but myself, but here’s my answer:

Grasshopper eating a bagel

She is amazing.  She turned 3 years old on Friday.  When I was pregnant with her, I didn’t like her very much.  I was so sick.  I imagined she was hanging from my rib cage and gnawing on my bones.  But when she was born, it was like the world disappeared and it was just us.  Just me and this precious little miracle cuddled in my arms.  That’s when I knew it was worth it.

When she was born, I became a better person.  She made me a better person.  Something about her had given me more patience, more kindness, and more love than I ever thought it was possible to have.  That tiny, squirming baby, the one for whom I risked my life to bring into the world, changed me in ways that I can’t even completely understand.

Now that tiny, squirming baby has grown up into a bright, curious child.  She’s smart (boy is she smart!), and funny, and completely silly.

This:

Grasshopper Saxophone

This why I want to do it all over again.

HG is awful, but the reward at the end makes it all worthwhile.

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6 thoughts on “My Inspiration Smells Like Cookies

    1. Thank you so much! She is a pretty wonderful kiddo.

      Isn’t it awful how HG limits our choices and can force us to change our goals? I always wanted to have mine really close together, but with the HG, I’ve had to let her get a little older and more self-sufficient.

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  1. I just found you through “The Whining Puker”. It’s so great to see all these HG resources and blogs popping up on the internet. There was almost nothing available during my pregnancies (my last was 7 years ago). Thankfully, my mother and grandmother were fellow survivors and great resources for survival tips!

    Just wanted to encourage you as you face a second pregnancy….I did it three times and no two pregnancies were alike! My first was hard, but of course I didn’t have other children to look after so I managed okay. The second was my easiest…I was sick for only 6 weeks AND able to hold down milk and bananas! I wish I could say my third was that good, but it was the worst of all. Thankfully our church really stepped in and loved on us during that time, setting up a schedule and taking turns looking after my children, cleaning our house and making dinners so my husband could go to work.

    Okay, maybe that last part wasn’t so encouraging, lol! But it looks like your are very well prepared and I really think that helps. Hopefully #2 will be a better experience!

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    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to share that. You know, what you say is really true. Every pregnancy is different. At this point, I’m gearing up for the worst. I would rather be pleasantly surprised with an easier time of it than disappointed and depressed about a worse experience.

      I love also how you mentioned the support you got from family and church. That’s something I keep trying to tell myself. I spent so much time “handling it” last time, being strong, and not wanting to burden others that I really didn’t get to rely on my network. In fact, one of my very dear friends just texted me this morning after reading the blog saying, “I had no idea you went through this!” I didn’t tell people.

      Lesson learned. I think your comment is one that I will come back to repeatedly to remind myself that it’s okay to ask for help.

      –Molly

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  2. I have to admit, I have a really hard time accepting help from others, especially friends. Partly because I don’t want to be a “burden” to others, but mainly because it is humiliating to have other people around while you’re wretching your guts out, or having friends clean your toilets and wash your dirty dishes. I’m the sort of person who looks like I’ve got it all under control :0)

    But now I am so thankful for all those women who blessed us with their love and service! We couldn’t have gotten through it without them. I had to take Diclectin because I just could not stop throwing up. I got to the point where not even a sip of water would stay down. The Diclectin took the edge off and helped me keep some food down, but made me a drugged zombie for about a month until my body adjusted. I was even hallucinating (not sure if that was the drugs or the illness). My mother used to tell me that she would pray that God would let her die in her sleep….it’s hard for people who haven’t “been there” to understand that level of desperation.

    It was so worth it though, to have my healthy little girl!

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    1. Amy – I’m glad I’m not the only one who struggles with that. It may make a good post actually. I’ll have to reflect for a bit on it. It’s easy to sit here and say I will ask for help. It’s something else entirely to actually do it.

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