It’s Wednesday. Day 3 of my return to work, and it’s going amazingly well.
I was nervous about coming back. I didn’t know what it would be like to get up early and be upright in a chair all day. My job is completely sedentary computer work, but there is no opportunity to just go have a lie down. After being parked on the couch for two months, I was worried about the physical demands of being back.
My first day back ended up being incredibly positive, even though by the end I was exhausted. I had so many people stop me in the walk-ways and come by my desk to welcome me back. It made me feel so good to know how many people had been thinking of me. Invariably, everyone asked how I was doing, and I was pleased to say, “I’m doing so much better. It’s great to be back among the living.” Lots of people asked about my pump, which, oddly, I appreciated. I thought I would feel self-conscious about it, but I think it would have been worse if they’d stared at it and tried to pretend it wasn’t there. Somehow it’s less embarassing to be able to explain it and make a joke about it.
One of my office friends asked about it in the break area, and another fellow, who is really more of an aquaintance piped up and said, “I know what that is! I have one, too!” And he pulled out his insulin pump. It was really cool to meet someone who had a pump, too. I had been explaining to people that it’s like an insulin pump, but I had never met someone in real life who actually had a pump. I’d never seen one in person before either. We ended up spending some time talking about it, and he was kind enough to let me ask some questions: How often does he have to change the sites and where does he think it’s easiest to put it. He only changes his sites every 3 days (lucky!), and he likes to put his in the back of his arms, something that’s not an option for me because the Zofran gets pushed through at a higher volume than the insulin pump. Like me, he thinks the belly is the worst place. His pump is sleek and shiny and fits neatly in his pocket compared to my big clonker which I have to wear around my neck in a bag. It makes me feel lucky, though, to know that I get to kiss my pump goodbye in a few weeks (!!!), whereas he’s got his for the rest of his life. It’s comforting to know, though, that I’m not the only cyborg in the office.
Monday, I also called one of the local midwifery practices to set up a consultation. I mentioned that I had been suffering with HG, and instead of suggesting acupucture or ginger (like the previous midwifery practice), she immediately asked about PICC lines and meds. When I explained that the PICCs failed, she asked if I had a line tunneled into my chest. Wow! That’s exactly the order of interventions my doctor had listed! When I told her I was impressed by her ready knowledge of HG and wanted to be sure to see her specifically for the consult, she laughed and said, “Don’t worry. Both my partner and I know about HG. I learned from her. She got her knowledge through firsthand experience!”
You could have peeled me up off the floor. I wanted to cry with relief. One of my major concerns about seeing a midwife is that they would dimish the experiences I have had with the HG. I simply can’t believe my luck. How could I have stumbled into a town that has both a doctor and midwives who know so much about HG?
These midwives work in a birth center located less than 5 minutes from the best NICU in the county. They know about HG. They can do waterbirths. They are willing and able to work with my doctor in whatever capacity I need to ensure the HG stays under control. They are willing to save a space for me in their practice until I’m weaned off the zofran pump to ensure a smooth transition. And most of all, there’s that feeling in my gut that things are right. The consultation is scheduled for next Thursday, late afternoon. It can’t come soon enough for me. I can’t be certain things are right until Mr. Grasshopper and I meet with them, so please keep your fingers crossed.
With all of the positivity of coming back to work and speaking to these midwives, not to mention the joyful pregnancy affirmations I’ve been listening to as part of my hypnobabies practice, I am feeling incredibly blessed. Do you ever have moments where you feel like your heart is just so full it’s about to overflow? I just feel so full of joy and positivity right now. It is such a good feeling to have. I am coming out of a very dark place and the sunlight feels so good on my face.