Back at work, midwives, and feeling blessed

It’s Wednesday.  Day 3 of my return to work, and it’s going amazingly well.

I was nervous about coming back.  I didn’t know what it would be like to get up early and be upright in a chair all day.  My job is completely sedentary computer work, but there is no opportunity to just go have a lie down.  After being parked on the couch for two months, I was worried about the physical demands of being back.

My first day back ended up being incredibly positive, even though by the end I was exhausted.  I had so many people stop me in the walk-ways and come by my desk to welcome me back.  It made me feel so good to know how many people had been thinking of me.  Invariably, everyone asked how I was doing, and I was pleased to say, “I’m doing so much better.  It’s great to be back among the living.”  Lots of people asked about my pump, which, oddly, I appreciated.  I thought I would feel self-conscious about it, but I think it would have been worse if they’d stared at it and tried to pretend it wasn’t there.  Somehow it’s less embarassing to be able to explain it and make a joke about it.

One of my office friends asked about it in the break area, and another fellow, who is really more of an aquaintance piped up and said, “I know what that is!  I have one, too!”  And he pulled out his insulin pump.  It was really cool to meet someone who had a pump, too.  I had been explaining to people that it’s like an insulin pump, but I had never met someone in real life who actually had a pump.  I’d never seen one in person before either.  We ended up spending some time talking about it, and he was kind enough to let me ask some questions: How often does he have to change the sites and where does he think it’s easiest to put it.  He only changes his sites every 3 days (lucky!), and he likes to put his in the back of his arms, something that’s not an option for me because the Zofran gets pushed through at a higher volume than the insulin pump.  Like me, he thinks the belly is the worst place.  His pump is sleek and shiny and fits neatly in his pocket compared to my big clonker which I have to wear around my neck in a bag.  It makes me feel lucky, though, to know that I get to kiss my pump goodbye in a few weeks (!!!), whereas he’s got his for the rest of his life.  It’s comforting to know, though, that I’m not the only cyborg in the office.

Monday, I also called one of the local midwifery practices to set up a consultation.  I mentioned that I had been suffering with HG, and instead of suggesting acupucture or ginger (like the previous midwifery practice), she immediately asked about PICC lines and meds.  When I explained that the PICCs failed, she asked if I had a line tunneled into my chest.  Wow!  That’s exactly the order of interventions my doctor had listed!  When I told her I was impressed by her ready knowledge of HG and wanted to be sure to see her specifically for the consult, she laughed and said, “Don’t worry.  Both my partner and I know about HG.  I learned from her.  She got her knowledge through firsthand experience!”

You could have peeled me up off the floor.  I wanted to cry with relief.  One of my major concerns about seeing a midwife is that they would dimish the experiences I have had with the HG.  I simply can’t believe my luck.  How could I have stumbled into a town that has both a doctor and midwives who know so much about HG?

These midwives work in a birth center located less than 5 minutes from the best NICU in the county.  They know about HG.  They can do waterbirths.  They are willing and able to work with my doctor in whatever capacity I need to ensure the HG stays under control.  They are willing to save a space for me in their practice until I’m weaned off the zofran pump to ensure a smooth transition.  And most of all, there’s that feeling in my gut that things are right.  The consultation is scheduled for next Thursday, late afternoon.  It can’t come soon enough for me.  I can’t be certain things are right until Mr. Grasshopper and I meet with them, so please keep your fingers crossed.

With all of the positivity of coming back to work and speaking to these midwives, not to mention the joyful pregnancy affirmations I’ve been listening to as part of my hypnobabies practice, I am feeling incredibly blessed.  Do you ever have moments where you feel like your heart is just so full it’s about to overflow?  I just feel so full of joy and positivity right now.  It is such a good feeling to have.  I am coming out of a very dark place and the sunlight feels so good on my face.

15 thoughts on “Back at work, midwives, and feeling blessed

  1. Oh so happy for you, my dear! You are indeed surrounded by blessings.

    I had a similarly transcendent, “everything is in its right place and I am so fortunate to be in this moment” experience yesterday. Feels frickin great. I hope you have many more over the next few months, cyborg friend!


  2. Ok I don’t know why i’m confused, but I am. So you never got a Picc put in, but you’ve had the pump from the get go really? or did you just get the pump?
    Lucky about the midwives and birthcenters!
    There is nothing like that down here. Unless I want to travel to Miami, but given my history…I’d have a baby in the car!


    1. I did have a PICC. For about a day. Then the PICC, which was more of a midline because the doctor placing it got nervous about the Xrays, blew out of the vein. The day it blew out, a PICC nurse tried and failed to place a second one. My veins were shredded at that point and just falling apart when she’d try to pass the catheter through.

      But I’d had the pump for about a week and a half (maybe 2) before that.


      1. They do, but they can plug the pump into the PICC. For my PICC I wasn’t running TPN, just fluids, so that might have been the difference, although I’m certain that if you have a double lumen PICC (or a Y splitter) that you can run the zofran pump through the PICC with TPN. I found that the zofran was slightly more effective through the PICC as opposed to through a subcutaneous infusion site.


  3. I’m so happy for you!!! I got choked up reading about things because this is sooooo good to hear!! I’m so thrilled that you found a midwife that acknowledges HG and works with it! I’m also thrilled to hear that you are back at work, and that your coworkers are supportive. You’re truly blessed, and God definitely has a wonderful plan for this baby. He wants them here! I’m just so happy for you, Molly. God bless.


    1. It’s pretty amazing. I’m not a particularly overtly religious person. I’ve struggled with my faith all my life. But I really do feel like God is trying to tell me something here. Let’s pray that Juan gets as good a feeling from the midwives as I do!


  4. And that is just as it should be, my precious girl! My prayers are for LOTS of “sunlight on your face” days!


    1. For those of you who don’t know, this is my baptismal sponsor! Typically, in the Lutheran Church, you’re baptized as an infant, but we didn’t join the church until I was an adolescent. So it would be a little weird to call her my Godmother, but that’s what she is. I love you Mrs. B! I was so amazed when you started commenting on my blog. Makes me feel good. Please give both Mr. Bs my love and hugs. Please tell Mr. B Sr. that I am praying for his healing daily and wish I could be there to visit him and show my love in person.


  5. I am so happy for you! You are not letting your HG win this time!!

    ps I must say that I am a bit jealous that I was not able to be as well as this 😦


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