Guilt that comes from the outside is easy for me to deal with. Guilt trips are simply a way some people try to manipulate others. When confronted by someone attempting to manipulate my emotions, it’s easy for me to mentally raise my middle finger in their direction and leave the guilt aside.
When the guilt comes from within as a result of me not living up to my own personal goals and ideals, it’s much more difficult to deal with.
Some things I currently feel mommy guilt about:
- Feeding the Grasshopper crappy food: Monday-cold leftover pizza and a bowl of honey nut cheerios; Tuesday-A ham, cheese, and mayo sandwich and ice cream; Wednesday-cold leftover pizza
- Letting the Grasshopper watch way too much TV – TV as babysitter? Yup.
- Not getting down and playing interactively with her
- Parking my butt on the couch and encouraging her to entertain herself
- Taking her to daycare with her hair uncombed and her teeth unbrushed
Okay, most of these are seriously temporary. Mr. Grasshopper is travelling for work for a few days this week (comes back today thank god!), and we’re in survival mode. For the record, he usually cooks nutritious and tasty meals, plays vigorously with her at every opportunity, and makes sure her teeth and hair get brushed in the morning. Also, for the record, she does have a toothbrush at daycare, so when she arrives, she can run back and brushes her teeth then.
Overall, I know that this is stuff that I can’t really control right now. At the end of the day, we’re doing well if I can stick food on plates and get the dishes loaded in the dishwasher. I’m proud of myself each time I have managed to get her bathed this week. Reaching into the tub is hard. I’m trying really hard to give myself credit for the little stuff like that.
But we do watch way too much TV. I try to assuage that guilt by making sure we’re watching the kids channels that don’t show any commercials. I just wish I could play with her more. I wish this week could have been fun girlie time with walks/trike rides through the neighborhood with the dog, fun bubble baths, painted toenails, and special activities.
That’s just not in the cards right now.
Right now, we’re doing well to get out the door in the morning and eat food at night.
I can’t wait to not be sick anymore. I hate the way hyperemesis gravidarum is keeping me from being the mom I want to be.