Post Hyperemesis Gravidarum Pregnancy Wrap-Up

I am about a month out of my hyperemesis gravidarum pregnancy now, which is hard to get my head around. I’ve got lots of questions swimming around in my mind.

Did that really just happen? Was it as bad as I remember?

I think the mind shrouds experiences like that in a kind of fog.  I know it happened.  I can go back here on my blog and read about it.  But it just seems so far away and unreal.  Maybe it’s the mind’s way of protecting itself.

Could I have done anything differently?  Did I do anything wrong?

I did so much research going into this.  I have to feel confident that I did the best I could and got really aggressive treatment.  Even with all of that, it was bad.

Really bad.

I still remember that Friday night with the nurses holding me down and trying to get a needle in me and the auditory hallucinations making me think my daughter was there crying for me.  I remember the ER doctor telling me that they were going to put a PICC in and start me on TPN and then 24 hours later another doctor telling me there was nothing wrong.  The night nurse taking my blood pressure so hard that all my needle sticks from earlier in the night started bleeding again.  I remember fighting for a PICC and having the hospital doctors blow me off.  Those three days haunt me.  What if I’d fought harder?  What if my regular doctor had been in town?  What if I’d left the county hospital and headed up the road to the private hospital?  Would my care have been better?  Would they have given me what I needed right then instead of putting it off until it was almost too late?

Did I really survive that?

I remember my mom walking in the door after flying all day and turning right around and taking me back in to the ER because my IV line clotted off.  I remember sitting in triage so scared of the IV stick that I was shaking.  I remember looking as hard as I could at a buckle on my mom’s shoe so that I wouldn’t have to see the needle that Trauma Nurse Andy was getting ready to put in.  I remember my mom hiking up and down the stairs to my bedroom bringing frozen cranberry juice and rehydrating me drop by drop.

And then it stopped.

And I felt guilty.

And then it came back a little.  And I felt guilty.  Because for so many women the 3rd trimester relapse is really bad, and mine was controllable with a doze of Zofran in the morning and a Nexium at night.  It wasn’t that bad, but I still hated every second of it.

And then, suddenly, it was over.  And I had a baby in my arms.

Am I normal again?

I think so.  I still eat smaller meals.  I think my stomach shrank.  I can take prenatal vitamins, which is kind of exciting.  I don’t have to take 12 different pills on schedule throughout the day anymore.  I can enjoy my food.  Even foods that I liked when I was pregnant taste better now that the hyperemesis gravidarum is gone.

And more than anything, I’m happy.

Was it worth it?

Absolutely.  Both of my daughters are miracles.  They are amazing people.  I can’t even express how worth going through HG they are.

Would I do it again?

Absolutely not.  After Cricket was born, while I was waiting for contractions to begin again so I could deliver the placenta, I was already asking my midwives to recommend someone to tie my tubes.

As much as I might want a 3rd child, there is no way I can survive HG a third time.  The disease has made the decision for me.  That’s kind of sucky.

Here are some raw numbers for you:

  • Starting weight: 139 lbs
  • Lowest weight: 127 lbs
  • Final weight: 185 lbs
  • Total weight lost: 12 lbs
  • Overall weight gain: 46 lbs
  • Max Zofran dose: 39 mg/day (that’s above the usual max dose of 32 mg that the manufacturer recommends)
  • Worst day: Friday, February 18th
  • Day I got my PICC: Tuesday, February 22nd
  • Day my PICC failed: Thursday February 24th
  • Day I turned the corner: Tuesday, March 15th
I think the bottom line is, I survived.  If anyone can get any use out of my HG experiences, it will make blogging about it worthwhile.  In the meantime, though, and for now, I need to not talk about the HG.  I need to leave it in the past.  There are other things I want to write about, and right now the HG just isn’t one of them.  I’ll leave up my protocol and the HG-related links, but for now, I just really need to take a break from that and write about other things.
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10 thoughts on “Post Hyperemesis Gravidarum Pregnancy Wrap-Up

  1. Thank you SO much for your willingness to share what you have been through. I am currently in my 3rd pregnancy and have suffered from HG in all 3 (although not as severe as yours). Your blog has helped in ways you can’t even imagine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

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  2. Congratulations on both of your miracle girls. You are right. They are absolute miracles. You’ll bury the hell of what you went through to get them here…until you meet someone else who suffers HG. Then you’ll do everything in your power to help get them through…even if all you’ve got to offer is a tiny thread of hope.

    I’m proud of you.

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  3. Many, many congratulations – on the birth of your sweet and precious little one, and on getting through this pregnancy. You have been beyond awesome, and I know you are an inspiration to so many mums out there (myself included!!). Enjoy your sweet little one!!

    Love,
    Diana

    p.s. I completely understand not wanting to write about HG!!! I get flash-back-y when I think too much about it, and what I went through was NOTHING like what you endured (yikes!!). Sometime when you are feeling up to it, I’d love to hear your opinion on what I wrote about the beginning of my pregnancy, but don’t worry if that’s months (or years!) down the road. Have fun with your family of four!!!

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  4. Thank you for writing this!

    My HG experience was very mild in comparison to yours but it has still traumatised me so much that I know I couldn’t possibly face another pregnancy, so I can totally understand you not wanting to write about it right now. I’ve been finding it therapeutic to talk/write about it but more the emotional fallout rather than the actual experience (as in coming to terms with our decision never to have another baby and my heartbreak over that than talking about the HG).

    I find myself in the same boat as you where my mind seems to have totally blanked out just how bad it was and it feels almost like a dream. I cannot get my head around the fact that for 9 months I was that sick and that the HG was real. I feel like I was someone else for most of this year and so I guess it’s no wonder I cannot quite remember what it felt like to be pregnant. I truly think our minds have to block it out for us to heal from the experience.

    Here’s to the end of HG pregnancies. Enjoy every moment with your precious girls. I look forward to reading all about life as a family now xx

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  5. Congrats on your daughter and thank you for sharing your HG journey. I’m trying to prepare myself to go through it a third time, but I don’t know if I’ll ever get there. Thank goodness for the little miracles we already have. And thanks for being a voice for HG survivors!

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  6. Once again, congrats on making it through and getting to HG freedom. It makes me so happy, Molly, I want to cry.

    As a writer, I understand the need to step back from a subject for awhile and just not actively think about it. There may come a time when you need to write about it again, talk about it again, work through it. That may be soon, or it may be far in the future. Please try not to be too surprised and upset if the HG Monster rasies her vicious head in your mind for awhile. It’s normal, and for most of us, it passes.

    For me, HG advocacy and volunteering are my passion, my mission from Christ. But actually dealing with my own experiences didn’t really happen until this year — almost five full years after my first HG experience.

    Love and peace to you and yours.

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  7. Thank you so much for blogging your experiences. It really has been helpful for me, and clearly others who have found it. Enjoy! Moving on to other to otter blog topics, knowing you’ve already made a difference. Congratulations again.

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  8. I am so very happy for you, that you got the outcome you wanted, without having to face the really hard decisions that I know you wrangled with at your darkest moments. I am proud that you managed to skid past those moments of phobia (which I hope will not haunt you forever, but if they do, you know who to talk to about them). Most of all, I look at that picture of your two little girls and my heart cheers for you. You did it!

    I understand the “was it really that bad” moments. I told Grandma the other day that I would not carry out a third pregnancy after what the second did to my back. She understands; she has several fractures in her spine. But then I thought, “Wow. Am I really that selfish?”

    The truth is, it’s not selfish to want to stay healthy for your girls. And not being selfless is not the same as being selfish, despite what anyone else may try to tell you. I hope that you get the support you need to get your tubes tied as soon as possible.

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  9. Thanks for your story. I have HG – I am 12 weeks pregnant now. I have HATED every second of it. I am relieved to hear that most women go back to normal when baby comes out.

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