Trolls, Rape, and a Culture of Entitlement

You may have seen the news about the troll who was recently unmasked.  Gawker exposed him a couple of weeks ago in the article Unmasking Reddit’s Violentacrez, The Biggest Troll on the Web to both cheers and outcry.  You may have seen an interview with this man on Anderson Cooper 360 (click here for the video of that interview).  The piece that stood out to me the most, however, was Mary Elizabeth Williams article in Salon.com: The war on 12-year-old girls. If you don’t read anything else about this, read Ms. Williams’ article.

I wasn’t going to write about this.  I’m a firm believer in not feeding trolls.  I imagine that despite the fact that he has been fired from his job, Michael Brutsch is reveling in this attention.  But laying awake at night (and it is 4:30 AM as I am writing this), I can’t stop thinking about these words from Ms. Williams:

I look at my own 12-year-old daughter and I see so much possibility in her. So much strength and wisdom and beauty. And some days, I feel like apologizing to her for everything on the Internet that doesn’t involve tiny pigs. I wish I could write off the likes of Michael Brutsch as one isolated, disturbed individual. And he’s exceptional; a king among trolls, to be sure. But he exists because there is a strong and vocal community of little creeps who are simultaneously aroused and hateful and scared to death of everything that a young girl represents. Who look at her and feel so bad about their own pathetic selves they want nothing more than to tear her down and make her feel ever worse about herself. My dear daughter, I am so sorry these morons are out there, and that you and your friends are in their cross hairs. That they don’t see you as a person but a threat.

My daughters will also be in the crosshairs of people like this someday.  As an adult woman, I live in the crosshairs.

As Ms. Williams writes, Michael Brutsch is not a man alone.  He is not an aberration. His Reddit folders, which included such uplifting titles as Jailbait, Rapebait, Chokeabitch, and Incest, had so many followers that he received an award from Reddit for bringing so much traffic to their site. He was so proud of this award that he brought it with him to show the interviewer from AC360.  Whether or not the average reader of my blog is repulsed by this man, the fact remains that there is a huge section of our culture that thinks Michael Brutsch and the images he and others post are funny, arousing, and worst of all, normal.  He tells AC360 that he got caught up in the excitement of “playing to an audience of college kids.”

College kids.  These are the people that we will someday send our fresh-out-of-high-school girls away to live with.

And it’s not just Michael Brutsch.  A few years ago, there was a Facebook group that existed solely for the purpose of posting images of the battered faces of abused women for mockery.  Remember the “go make me a sandwich” meme?  Many of those pictures were captioned with the following: “Should’ve made me a sandwich.”  Hilarious.  Violence against women is funny.  A joke.  While that group has finally been taken down, a hundred more have sprung up to take its place.

Is it any wonder that 1 in 6 women will be a victim of rape or attempted rape in her lifetime? Should we be surprised that every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted or beaten and that 20% of teens have been the victim of violence at the hands of a boyfriend?

We live in a culture of rape and violence against women, and Michael Brutsch and his legions of followers are clear evidence of that.  There has been widespread outcry in response to the unmasking of this troll.  Cries of free speech abound.  But in all of this, where is the talk of the young girls who have been affected by this? Michael Brutsch and his followers didn’t post these pictures in a vacuum. There are real people behind those pictures, and as we know from the tragic suicide of Amanda Todd, the consequences of all of this are real.  This is life and death.

The people who populate these kinds of message boards don’t think they have to ask permission to post a photo of someone.  They feel entitled to post pictures of underage girls without their consent.  And make no mistake.  This isn’t limited to girls who the posters might claim were “asking for it” by posting a picture on Facebook of themselves in a swimsuit.  With the existence of boards for posting upskirt photos and creeper shots of girls and women who dared to go out in public, it is clear that the we are all “asking for it” simply because we were born female.  They do this to dehumanize us.  To rob us of our power and our voices. To put us in our places.

As I think of my daughters sleeping peacefully in their beds, I wonder what I can do to protect them from people like this.  I can (and do) teach them to speak out, that their bodies are their own and that no one has the right to touch them without permission, that if someone is bullying them and won’t stop when they tell them to knock it off to tell me or another trusted adult.  When they get older, I will teach them not to post, write, or text anything that they don’t want the whole world to see.  I will tell them not to accept a drink in a bar from a stranger (or a friend), and I will tell them that even if they were too scared to say “NO!” that they can still report that rape, even if the rapist was a friend or boyfriend.  But deep inside, all of this sounds to me like I am saying, “And remember, if you’re going out at night, be sure not to wear a short skirt, because you don’t want anyone to think you are asking for it.” At its root, all of this is a form of victim-blaming.

Starting in elementary school, girls have to go out of the room for the special presentation on puberty and menstruation, and that continues each year until they hit high school.  What if, while the girls are out learning about their periods and then later as a part of the high school mandatory health classes, we had a special section for boys that included these instructions*:

  • If a woman is drunk, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is walking alone at night, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is drugged and unconscious, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is jogging in a park at 5 am, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you’re still hung up on, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is asleep in her bed, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is asleep in your bed, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is doing her laundry, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is in a coma, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don’t rape her.
  • If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don’t rape her.
  • If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don’t rape her.
  • If your step-daughter is watching TV, don’t rape her.
  • If you break into a house and find a woman there, don’t rape her.
  • If your friend thinks it’s okay to rape someone, tell him it’s not, and that he’s not your friend.
  • If your “friend” tells you he raped someone, report him to the police.
  • If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there’s an unconscious woman upstairs and it’s your turn, don’t rape her, call the police and tell the guy he’s a rapist. Keep her safe until police arrive.
  • Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, sons of friends it’s not okay to rape someone.
  • Don’t tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape.
  • Don’t imply that she could have avoided it if she’d only done/not done x.
  • Don’t imply that it’s in any way her fault.
  • Don’t let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he “got some” with the drunk girl.
  • Don’t perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can, too, help yourself.

*I couldn’t find the original source for this, and I certainly can’t claim this as my own idea. If anyone knows where this originally came from , I will be happy to add a link back to the source.

What if we added the following to this list:

  • Don’t post pictures of people on the internet without their consent.
  • Don’t take pictures up people’s skirts without asking permission first.
  • Don’t take creeper shots.
  • Pictures of battered and abused women are not funny.
  • Don’t coerce underage girls into sending you pictures and then threaten her with violence if she doesn’t want to send you more pictures.

This is not about free speech.  This is about body integrity and the rights of young girls to grow up without having to fear that a middle-aged man will post their picture on a message board.

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4 thoughts on “Trolls, Rape, and a Culture of Entitlement

  1. I have to say, this has always has been one of my biggest concerns in raising a son. How do I make sure he does not become That Guy? I work in age appropriate points into every day conversations, which I guess is all I can do at seven years old:

    “Mommy, today at recess, I wanted to play X and N didn’t.”

    “What did you do?”

    “I asked him again if we could play X and he said no, so we picked Y.”

    “Good, because if someone wants to do something different from what you want to do, you do not ever have the right to force them to do that. You can ask, but if they say no, you do what you guys did and find a compromise.”

    I pray this is enough, to have these types of conversations.

    Like

    1. Honestly, it’s the little talks like you are having that I think will make the biggest difference. You aren’t raising him with a sense of entitlement. You are raising him to respect other people’s boundaries.

      Like

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